tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
