i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
