I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
True strength comes from lack of pants
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
