so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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