Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
