If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
