god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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