at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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