We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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