so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
