the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
