would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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