we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
