VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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