Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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