Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
