What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
