I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My liver just had a heart attack.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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