You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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