can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
