I cannot find my penis.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
