just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
