How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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