Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
