ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
