so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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