At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
