I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
