I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
