I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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