Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
