I wish my penis had an off switch
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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