I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
