I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he thought i was a dude.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize