This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
