You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
