our cab driver is having phone sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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