you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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