The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
