My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
two words...techno handjob
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
