I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
