Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
