And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
