its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
