He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
