He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You pole danced in your parka.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
