turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
