Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
