he puts the penis in happiness.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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