Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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