Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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