I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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