So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
