Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
