you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
