dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
