Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
