Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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