i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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