The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
