I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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