So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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