my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
