He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
