I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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