So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just invented taco cereal.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
